me having this level of

“ball knowledge”

has to be funny

(if not a bit jarring)

because my

“arc”

is giving

ex-varsity cheerleader

turned OF e-girl

but it’s been in my life as long as i can remember

(even longer than skateboarding)

i also can’t leave my

“dwelling”

much

so i can really only watch futbol all day

so obviously i’m going to form

“opinions”

(thoughts and rage that linger in my body for months on end)

i split men’s and women’s up this time

so

LADIES FIRST

ENJOY 😜

WOSO NEWS

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

CHELSEA V BARCELONA

i didn’t say when the demons would strike

i just said

“ it’s demons afoot”

and they are

they’re just

“dormant”

barely any LJ

no Fish

minimal Guro

no Sam Kerr

the second leg was NaeNae’s second game

if Barca didn't

“Barca”

(go absolutely ape shit)

i would have been surprised

next year will be different

it has to be

(it was tough watching my babies get abused like that tho)

but now i get to gush about my favorite

BON MA TI

shes a sicko

she put her foot on the ball

on her half’s 18

brought it to a dead stop

CASUALLY

UNDER PRESSURE

and just scanned the pitch

and that’s when i knew that game was over

(s/o autism)

she also dribbled it from her half and shot it

so confidently

from an angle i deemed

“a crap shot”

and she net shook it

again a sicko

“Fem Messi”

type shit

ARSENAL V BARCELONA

i love Foxy

(an American legend)

and Chloe Kelly

(an Everton legend)

so i always tap in to see if my girls are doing well

when the semi-final second leg score blooped to my phone

i audibly yelped in excitement and did a lil jig right before i got on the train

(see “THIS SHIT MEANS SOMETHING TO ME”)

SO SEEING THEM BEAT BARCELONA IS LEGENDARY

that game was phenomenal

low scoring but nowhere near boring

incredible

CONGRATS ARSENAL

seeing Bonmati cry was hard to watch tho

“WORLD” XI

this was actually not fun, and i feel crazy leaving people out

yall are all amazing

(and unlike the men)

deserve so much more

but i had to

(so it’s lowkey just a EURO XI)

“bUT LuCY PLaYs ON thE RIGht!!”

Lucy can do literally anything

(s/o autism)

and i couldn't leave her out

she’ll figure it out

BENCH: MARY FOWLER, “BUN BUN” SHAW, LJ, CALDENTEY, SANDY B

BALLON D'OR CONTENDER: JUST BONMATI

FAV GOAL OF THE SEASON: SARA HOLMGAARD OLIMPICO VS CHELSEA

WSL THOTS

the FA banning trans women from playing the sport they love is insane

that ruling might affect literally 15 people directly

if not closer to 5

the choice should be with the people

if not the players

not a faceless board comprised of old straight men

who are deathly afraid of a t-girl stealing their wife

(i’m assuming)

the women’s game is inherently queer

by nature of women being more open and having to carry more burdens of reality

(idk like repopulating the planet)

it has to be more progressive and more inclusive

(also news flash…these bitches do be kissing)

so to do this seems like an adherence to the past

not a commitment to the future

(sorry to burst your bubble, but the future is rainbow-colored)

i’m non-binary

grew up male

so i’ve played all sorts of people in my life

of different sizes

gender

and at all levels of skill

so i can say in full confidence

i’d be fucking

TERRIFIED

to play Chawinga

none of this is that big of a deal if you really think about it

but if you’re still having trouble

here’s a better way to frame it

Sex⇢ what’s in your pants

Gender⇢ what run you’re going to make

i know that sounds dumb

but it’s really that simple

if your goal is on the future of the game

and you’re looking to build stadiums for women's football

(literally building a church for queer people)

a trans person or two might want to come

and might even be inspired to play

if they have nowhere to go

what’s the point

if you’re arguing

“fairness”

id say having to sit on the sidelines your entire life

because your mind and spirit are wired differently

is truly the most

“unfair”

situation i can think of

if you’re not beholden to the current state of football

(egregious levels of sports betting and inconsistent officiating)

the answer is clear

let them play

(Chelsea is still going to go undefeated anyways)

CHELSEA INVINCIBLE TREBLE

the funny thing about this club is i should hate them

but they’re my favorite team in the WSL

(outside of my other girls)

but they’re the perfect example of how you can have an

almost oligarchic reign over the league

FOR YEARS

and still play enjoyable football

all while retaining a warm, loving, and open club culture

Congrats

never doubted it

literally some of the best players in the world

doing what they do best

DOMINATING

IN STYLE

also

that FA CUP final formation

is chefs kiss

at first

i was like

“5 in the back?? who are you scared of??”

then i saw her release the cannons and i was like

“oh i see..she’s cooking”

(watching Lucy meg people and go on goal is just what i needed)

big s/o Sandy Baltimore and Cat Macario

y’all really did that shit

(mama scored and immediately kicked the spare ball…born a star type shit)

GOTHAM NEWS

i know there is no Rose

to create beauty in the midfield

and no Tierna

to yell at mfers

so i understand why shits going like this

(y’all are doing great, it’s just “circumstances”…and formation…which is fixable)

but at the same time, i’m sick of yelling at my TV

and dozing off

so here

the first ones free:

or this

(if you’re feeling freaky)

either should suffice

just please stop trying to play down the middle

it’s

“doing me head in”

also

it’s almost never Sonnett’s fault

also also

i don’t mind being an

“equipment manager” ☢︎