didn’t pilot the EVA all week

(my trucks are currently under my bookshelf like Kratos’ Blades of Chaos)

also rain

watched John Wick 4 again

being the

“Baba Yaga”

IRL is rad af

even if i do limp around sometimes

(Keanu really is the blueprint)

been trying to make the thing

so been inside doing that

(so many error codes…so much misaligned text….but even more swearing)

TONS O’ MEDIA

(to cope with the stress)

also

another indicator of how

“fucking stupid”

my life has been is

i forgot i own a legit picnic basket

crazy

KICKING & SCREAMING

as i was yelling at my TV

hoping vocalizing my frustration would change reality

(it did not)

i realized something

i’m going to be a terrible soccer parent whenever i have kids

(if they choose to play)

i’m going to need

a muzzle

a straitjacket

blinders

noise-canceling headphones

"The Penjamin”

just to get to half-time

“How was the game?”

“Well, from what i gathered through interoception…she did great!”

i had this on DVD as a kid

so i can basically recite it

bar for bar

no subtitles

now that i’m older

(and getting closer to “that age”)

this is the biggest cautionary tale for someone like me

“a docile tweaker”

(it takes every shred of self-control in me to beat off the intrusive thoughts)

and as a victim of the cult that is youth soccer

i’ve seen my fair share of

“insanity”

(the smell of fresh-cut grass is both comforting and mildly triggering)

whoever wrote this must have been in the trenches

and their only outlet was to write this

because this movie is so fucking accurate and so fucking funny

that you had to have lived it in some capacity

also

the cast is nuts

Beans

Phill Lewis

MY GIRL FROM BAD JUDGE

Will Ferrell

BBY PEETA(i literally cannot wait to do The Hunger Games)

Robert Duvall

Mike Ditka

(what the fuck was the early 2000s)

after watching this as an adult, i can say this:

this is why i’m strictly a dirty chai queen and don’t drink coffee like that

(or do coke)

i’m so glad i don’t have a father wound

(i actually fuck with him…even if i did scold him with my eyes for cheering)

no, i will not “ease up on that corduroy jacket”

(she’s coming to the grave with me)

no, i will not coach my child’s team

(even if i’d be U10 José Mourinho)

“god forbid”

someone i love convinced me to do it

just know it’ll end up like this:

me prancing around in some nut ass track suit

smacking my gum hard as fuck

talking to parents like they’re NPCs

forgeting my kid is fucking rad

(something i refuse to do)

so, unless you want to see me in a straitjacket

(involuntarily)

i’ll be watching from the parking lot

(i might have the strength in me to pass out orange slices...but we’ll see)

FRIENDSHIP

contrary to popular belief

i do try to support skaters

as much as i possibly can

(i like this shit too…so i need it to do the impossible…survive capitalism)

i just don’t support people or entities if you:

are too petrified to acknowledge my existence

point and laugh at me

(on camera)

attempt to doxx me

spit in my water bottle, on my clothes, or at me unprovoked

(a SOTY *skater of the year* has spat at me if you can believe that)

use me as your perpetual scapegoat

intentionally try to traumatize me…again, unprovoked

wake up in a cold sweat…terrified i’m going to fuck your wife

(i probably won’t...it’s obvious i’m ‘‘hyperfixated’’ on fucking mine...senseless)

I AM NO SAINT

(being this “whimsical” requires a deep…DEEP…understanding of mischief)

but i don’t do that shit

and i’m never going to feel bad for following my heart

or being myself

so as you can see it’s

“difficult”

for me to cheerlead for most of these

“dickheads”

(everything is always bullshit adjacent)

BUT

I LOVE

“I Think You Should Leave”

i think it’s one of the funniest shows to ever grace television

and i’m literally never going to beat the limerent allegations

so i had to do my

“due diligence”

and give

FRIENDSHIP

a gander

so i went and saw it last friday

NO SPOILERS I PROMISE

(see i’m getting better)

that was the funniest thing i’ve seen all year

even the smallest of comedic moments

had me trying not to spit out my drink

(i got home and was still belly laughing at a throwaway line)

the

“over-the-top”

(psychotic)

nature of Tim’s comedic style is 10/10

even in long form

which is nuts

(his physical comedy is up there with Tina Fey)

you’d think someone yelling at themselves

for an hour and a half

would get old but it works

PERFECTLY

thematically

it’s hilarious

and real as fuck

(it’s literally Uncut Gems for limerent people)

10/10

i highly recommend seeing this deranged heart-warming classic

that observes just how shitty it is

to be a middle-aged white guy

with no friends

and undiagnosed autism

(i’m still recovering from all the second-hand embarrassment)

also

having the boards on the wall facing graphic side in

is unbelievably funny

lord knows that must have been many

long

stupid

arduous talks

with some entity

that ended in

“fuck it…i’ll just flip the board around”

GIRLFRIENDS

i just want to start this off by saying

Tracee Ellis Ross is so fine it makes my head hurt

(they be having her with the hair up and it breaks my brain)

i love this show

but i don’t ever watch it

because there comes a point

(like season 3/4)

where i literally have to stop watching it

because i get too annoyed

and have to stop

(for my mental health)

so i started watching it again to see if i can get past it

so here

i love MOST of the girls

and William

i literally painfully embody everyone

BUT ONE

i’m horny

awkward

i have 0 issue breaking the tension with a joke in a heartbeat

all while rocking my signature

“stylishly retro medium size afro”

just like William

i’m nosy AF

playful

way more worldly and emotionally intelligent than you’d think

but still kinda ghetto

like Maya

(“it’s the nigga in me”)

i’m literally the 2025 version of Lynn

“are you ever gonna...you know?

FUCK NO

(the original brainy boho baddie)

and the baddest smartest bitch you’ve ever seen in life

just like Joan

the

“IT GIRL”

of the century

and the woman of your dreams

(she flexed the Bottega Veneta bag before you were even born…ICONIC)

Toni…

has been scuzzy since episode one

i can’t condone or relate to any of her actions

even if she is fine AF

and

“trying”

whatever the fuck that means

(doing ugly makes you ugly no matter how pretty you are)

i know everyone needs friends

but mfers have made me jerk off in the corner

by myself

FOR YEARS

for less ☢︎