didn’t pilot the EVA all week

(i would’ve skated in this weather…YIKES)

finished

Desperate Housewives

(I CANNOT WAIT)

still watching

UCL

(Lucy…wtf)

watched

WILLY WONKA

&

THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

(this nigga Gene made me cry)

“IT’S SOTY SEASON AND YOU HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING YET”

yeah for

“obvious reasons”

(i didn’t almost die for a placard paperweight…THIS YEAR)

PLUS

i’m like

“a faggot”

(can think for myself)

so they’ll never acknowledge

“reality”

(the person everyone shamelessly copies)

“BUT YOU’RE LITERALLY OUR FAVORITE!”

(it must be slim pickings if i’m the peoples champ)

i literally skated a

GRAND TOTAL

of

19 times

ALL YEAR

so i don’t deserve it

(even if morning crust is still your daily diddle)

also

Ben K

isn’t a

“contender”

and he did this

WITH THE CAMEO OF ALL CAMEOS

(seems fishy)

for fear of having to take my

“dumb blog”

(LITERAL FUCKING PEAK)

about:

my freakish penis

(what’s going to liberate you)

random shit

(somehow always about cum)

and

sticky toes

(i’ve still never done it)

somewhat

“seriously”

(literally ruining my favorite bit)

here’s a

“light week”

for y'all

(i’m really gonna to miss acting this oblivious)

so

SOMES O’ MEDIA

(mE No kNOw edition)

THIS MESSI PASS

it’s still

“FUCK THE MLS”

(all that money and y'all still play on turf…HMMM)

BUT

IMMA BE A

MESSI STAN

(and a Becks stan)

UNTIL I DIE

(long hair Messi is PEAK HUMAN)

how are you

THIS CASUAL

AND

THIS PERFECT

(you’d think i’d understand…but even i’m shook)

bravo

on your

“win”

(beating up on scrubs too in awe to defend)

you’ll always be

MY GOAT

(nobody in history will ever eat mfers like you do)

keep giving these

“scrubs”

(casualties of my painfully autistic youth)

THE ABSOLUTE BEATS

(lord knows i won’t be)

(in a fucking velour tracksuit)

RICHIE RICH’$ CHRISTMAS WISH

it’s the

“HOLIDAY SEASONNNN”

so i always try to do some sort of

Christmas Movie

so i picked this one first because it’s

“TOPICAL”

(mfers about to feel stupid…er than they already do)

i watched this movie

A LOT

as a kid

(rotten tomatoes didn’t exist yet and i only had but so many VHS tapes)

idk how

me of all people

(someone who HAPPILY worked retail)

got labeled

“THE RICH KID”

(i’m literally autistic you psychotic douchebags)

unlike

“some people”

(someone y'all gave the paperweight to)

you can’t

“get lost”

in my

childhood home

(i’d literally hear my dads morning shit from my bed)

even if i was

“RICH”

(proving the importance of unionized jobs and social safety nets)

at least i’m not

(and literally never could be)

a:

spoiled

entitled

narcissistic

entitled

DOUCHEBAG

(who’s bottomless greed sucks the Christmas spirit out the city)

this nigga

RICHIE

had

ALL THE MONEY

IN THE WORLD

AND

STILL HAD A WISH MACHINE

(powered by a fucking prehistoric wishbone)

FOR A RAINY DAY

(the horrors of capitalism will haunt us for eons)

MFERS

LOVE RICHIE

(despite being the top 1% of the top 1% of the top 1%)

BECAUSE HE’S NOT A:

SPOILED

ENTITLED

DOUCHEBAG

(angel behavior)

MFERS

HATE REGGIE

(mfers were throwing shit at his crib for sport)

BECAUSE

WHEN GIVEN LITERALLY EVERYTHING IMAGINABLE

HE

CHOOSES

TO BE A:

SPOILED

DELUDED

RICH

ENTITLED

NARC

DOUCHEBAG

(in a fucking velour tracksuit)

if i’m most like anyone in this movie it’s

Cadbury

a former

ROCKER

turned

BUTLER

(there’s no 401k for being mythical…unfortunately)

the only way you’d even remotely know

what’s going on with me

“finacially”

(it’s literally NYC grow up)

is if you idk:

stalked me

stole my personal information

commit identity fraud

(a felony)

and then got

SO INSECURE

you bitched like a weasel

(so fucking pathetic i hope it’s not the truth)

BUT

mE No kNOw 🤭

☢︎