didn’t pilot the EVA all week

(i haven’t even pushed to the corner store all year)

been playing

REMATCH

(...the Season 4 update eats...good job...)

ALSO

(lick my nuts)

started

playing

South of Midnight

(how pretty)

i'm

ENJOYING IT

(it's fucking strange but my inner southern belle likes it)

still been

"busy"

so

ONES O' MEDIA

(b-tier edition)

(THESE BITCHES)

D.E.B.S

okay so 

13 YEARS AGO

(when i was working at the movie theater) 

TWO

of my

COWORKERS

who

I LOVE

(basically my first coven)

were

PESTERING ME

if i had

SEEN THIS MOVIE

(...yes...they're millennials...)

my

RESPONSE

was:

"...uHhHhh no..."

(lil nigga been autistic)

BUT NOW

that i've

"GOTTEN TO THIS POINT"

(power lesbian in power)

I REALIZED

i needed to

INDULGE

(press fast forward on my life)

MANY

of my 

MANY WIVES

are

IN HERE

looking

SMOKING FUCKING HOT

(i think about Devon Aoki like a dead homie)

if i had

SEEN THIS

in my

"YOUTH"

(when i just figured out that this thang cums)

THIS THANG 

WOULD HAVE BEEN 

THANGIN’

(they had prime Meagan Good thompin' around in plaid 😵‍💫)

THIS MOVIE

is like 

CHARLIE'S ANGLES

for

BITCHES WHO:

have

ALWAYS

had 

AUTISM

(the only way to be a GOOD spy)

gained

CLASS CONSCIOUSNESS

as they 

BIT INTO

a 

COLD CHEESE SANDWICH

(the shit like that forges comedic geniuses)

AND 

give 

B-TIER HEAD

(an S-Tier wife)

if i wasn't

"THIS"

(ur literal fav)

i'd be an

“INTERNATIONAL SUPER SPY...SUPER SPYYY”

(sluttier than James Bond…almost as hot as Alex Munday)

if not

ONE OF THESE BITCHES

(they gave "Charlotte" a fucking gun...UNFORGIVABLE)

BUT 

if you've 

SEEN THIS MOVIE

(are a faggot... intellectual or horny fucker)

YOU'D KNOW

i'm

LUCY DIAMOND

(ruthless)

like

LUCY DIAMOND

the 

“RUMORS”

(a truth so scary it has to be sensationalized)

are 

SCARIER

than 

I ACTUALLY AM

(but you should absolutely still be terrified)

i’d never

INTENTIONALLY

try to get

"A MFER"

(my favorite opp)

KICKED OUT

of

"D.E.B.S"

(opp dorks that mean well...SOMETIMES)

BUT

you have to

"FOLLOW YOUR HEART"

(get used like a bowling ball)

“YoU’Re …LUCY DIAMOND… wHy hEr?!?"

(idk i literally can’t stop thinking about this bitch)

I CAN SEE WHY

this movie was

"CONTROVERSIAL"

(what is she gonna do…lick it?!?)

BUT NOW

it's like

“DUHHH”

(i'm surprised it took that long)

if not

“AWWW”

(i can’t wait)

S/O

to

ASHLEY AND LIZ

(and Joey lmao)

i've

FINALLY

seen 

D.E.B.S

and

I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT

(...FINE...)

☢︎