RIP

TO THE VICTIMS

OF THE

MIDTOWN MASS SHOOTING

(CTE is real and needs to be taken seriously)

also

GUN CONTROL

GUN CONTROL

GUN CONTROL

…

GUN CONTROL

didn’t pilot the EVA all week

(i’m waiting until it’s an even 6 months on the same board)

also

i don’t know where i'm

"allowed"

to get a board

“socially”

(somewhere where i won‘t cause implosion on impact)

something i’ve been saying

for years

is that

FOR ME

going into a skate shop can go one of two ways:

“hugs”

(like seeing your favorite cousin for the first time in years)

or

“a hate crime”

(years of festering insecurities waiting for the right target)

FOR ME

this has always been the case

(idk why my experience is always so drastically different)

even when i fucking ran one

so well, in fact

people thought i owned it

(i literally had the key for a year)

so let me know

so i don't hurt somebody

for being a

"fucking idiot"

(the face of the unbothered)

LIFE UPDATE

been listening to

Florence + The Machine

“Dog Days Are Over”

(unironically)

because i think my life is getting better

(my bank account still hasn’t changed but i sure have)

also

i think this

"aesthetic"

(feathers, too many rings, and black lipstick)

is coming back

(unfortunately)

i feel like people miss being that

“uninhibited”

(looking like the most fuckable troll doll in Bushwick)

saw

Fantastic Four

again tuesday

(wanted to see Superman too but i ran out of outside tokens)

i need whatever

Levi's

sponsorship

Johnny Storm

has

(flaming hot tweaker proof)

the slower i go

the more i realize how

UNBELIEVABLY FAST

i was going

for

4 YEARS

it was extremely necessary for

“the mission”

but

“Never More”

so

SOMES O’ MEDIA

(i could cum)

Wheel World

over the last year 

biking has become one of my favorite hobbies 

(far surpassing skateboarding)

the freedom 

and

the boundless sense of adventure it gives you

makes biking fucking 

“addicting”

(i be looking at that bitch with lustful eyes)

it’s hard not to just start peddling 

and peddling

and peddling 

and not stop until something catches your eye

(or something breaks) 

it’s one of the only things i can do outside

and not cause a 

“disruption”

(y'all really need to give me an outside schedule or a pamphlet)

even if the way i ride is 

 “disruptive”

(no hands is some hick shit…get more secure in yourself)

so this game is becoming very precious to me

i was waiting for it since i saw the trailer

a few months ago 

and was like 

“wow…that’s my life"

then i finally got it this weekend 

(b/c it was on sale)

and then i was really like

“WOW…THIS IS MY LIFE”

this non binary ass bitch

with crop top hoodie and a messenger bag is 

EATING 

THESE MFERS IN BIBS 

ALIVE

(i couldn’t ‘hub check’ if i wanted to)

the world is so fun 

(it feels like SABLE but on crack)

the physics for the bike are 

MUAH

everything feels so 1:1

(whip skidding feels like whip skidding and it’s scary)

unlike

REMATCH

where i can do every move

but couldn’t figure out the controls

this game i immediately was like 

“OH I’M FINNA WHIP THIS HOE”

and immediately started 

TWEAKING

(i’m on some Ninja Oni shit)

treating

Wheel World 

like the real world 

(minus riding without hands)

i really like how they tell the story  

it’s simple

but the world is so vast

and enjoyable to be in

it unfolds naturally

(on some Elden Ring...Tears of the Kingdom type shit)

just by biking around 

(BEING A FUCKING LEGEND)

and talking to people 

you unlock more and more

(literally like real life)

which i love 

highly recommend it

it’s not a

"AAA Giant"

(overly produced garbage)

but it’s a masterfully crafted 

"indie darling"

(much like myself)

thank you to whatever

tech nerd

biker polycule

made this freak ass game

because y'all made something

unbelievably enjoyable

(seriously, thank you)

i can

100% guarantee

i’ll be playing

Wheel World

for many years to come 

also

im 6-hours into

this 6-hour game

and i haven't gotten my signature

"drop bars"

(the cuntiest of all the handlebars)

yet

wtf

(see…CUNTY)
(loser friend group activities)

PROJECT X

i mean this in all seriousness

this is one of the greatest movies ever made

(EVER)

it's

fucking stupid

lude

(AS FUCK)

overindulgent

and

shouldn't exist

(legally speaking)

BUT

i love it

it's one of the best movies ever made

(EVER)

if you capture an era

(ACCURATELY)

that's terms for being goated

(i would know)

that being said

it exists

(and we thank god for it)

so we must explore

so here

this came out around my

senior year of high school

so i my or may not have

torrented it

and watched it on my iPad

as much as

physically possible

for months on end

(i been autistic for a LONG time)

so watching this now

and seeing how accurately they captured the

"corny stupidity"

(the residual effect of a decent economy)

of the early 2010s

makes me nauseous with nostalgia

(little did they know this be the last time they knew joy)

i truly can't wrap my head around how this exists

(so many people had to say yes)

the casting call for this had to be

"ridiculous"

(one clerical error away from pornography)

ACTORS WANTED

We're looking for

"Naked White Bitches"

(willing to get wet)

AGE: 19-25

i don't really relate to anyone in this movie

because i'm not

rich

or

white

or

a loser

(i do love a good rager though)

but i have been in

MANY

(MANY)

loser friend groups

so i’m no stranger to the

“dynamics at hand”

(toxic insecurity in the driver seat)

no loser friend group is complete

without the

horny

narc

loser

(with the energy of a weasel)

who's doing too much all the time

and suffers from

"delusions of grandeur"

(kinda right...but also so wrong it's painful to watch)

(it just comes out of you)

i guess i'm a little like

Thomas

(i didn't know it be legendary...i barely wanted to do this)

if anything

i'm most like

Kirby

("why won't you get in the pool with me")

or

Dax

("y'all are insane"...*hits record*)

even though i love my parents

the best part about this movie

is the soundtrack

it's like 9 out 10 of the reasons the movie even works

(and probably 9/10 of the budget)

BUT WORTH

EVERY

FUCKING

PENNY

BECAUSE WE GOT

BANGERS

THE XX

BEAMER BENZ OR BENTLEY

HAM

HEADS WILL ROLL

KID FUCKING CUDI

(all certified slappers "TILL THIS DAY")

if an alien came down and said

"show me 2012"

you show them this

and a picture of

Barack Obama

and you'd have all your bases covered

again

how the fuck did this even get greenlit

the pitch meeting must have been

“insane”

EXECUTIVE:

"so they stuff a little person in an oven?"

WRITER:

(anxiously)

"yeah...at some point that happens"

EXECUTIVE:

"i see...and someone punches a kid"

WRITER:

(now on the verge of vomiting from anxiety)

"yeah at some point that happens too"

EXECUTIVE:

"i see...well...i love it...here's 12 million dollars"

WRITER:

(confused his smut passed for cinema)

"omg thank you so much...what sold you?"

EXECUTIVE:

"everyone loves naked white bitches"☢︎