didn't pilot the EVA all week

(even i'm starting to miss me skating)

saw

The Devil Wears Prada 2

(2 hours of Meryl & Anne looking SCRUBTIOUS)

unsurprisingly

I REALLY LIKED IT

(if i'm coming back...the price is 4x)

they also

"SOMEHOW"

(a fuck ton of cash)

got

MOST

of my

MANY WIVES

to bad bitch

IN ONE MOVIE

(yuckers included)

4/5

(i too am a workaholic)

still rewatching

BPD and the City

(all this bitch does is yell and cheat)

still been

"busy"

(come ma lady...come come ma lady)

so

ONES O' MEDIA

(normal edition)

(life pre-social internet)

MIXTAPE

OKAY SO

i beat this

LAST FRIDAY

(before mfers suited up for the holy war)

ROLLED CREDITS

and

SAID:

“...awwwww…that was really cute...”

(like a normal person)

and

WENT ABOUT MY DAY

(LIKE A NORMAL PERSON)

only to

WAKE UP

and see

30 MIN VIDEOS

about 

IT BEING

(clears throat)

"WoKe MiLLeNNiaL sJw LgBT sOyBOy AsTRoTUrF NOsTalGia sLop"

(sorry for the stroke)

i really

TRY MY HARDEST

to not 

“punch down”

(call losers losers from a position of knowing)

BUT

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH 

(literally what the fuck)

honestly

i'm begining to think

this is just a

“TRIGGERING TOPIC”

(so unrelateable it enrages you)

it’s a story about:

FRIENDSHIP

(eating in your hometown photobooth is a canon event)

KISSING 

(i literally screamed "EWWWW" like a kindergartner)

GETTING FUCKED UP

FUCKING UP

(literally so inconsiderate)

GROWING UP 

(locking in)

AND 

MOVING THE FUCK ON

(normal human activities)

SO

seeing people 

PLAY IT

(it's a video game stop being a loser)

let alone

ENJOY IT

(it almost made me cry)

must be your

DIGITAL NIGHTMARE

(please go to therapy…community is not on twitter.com)

i'm 

30

black

and an 

east coast bby

(hard mode)

SO

I'M NOT EVEN

THE TARGET AUDIANCE

(this was literally made to make delinquent millennials weep)

BUT

i’ve experienced life

PRE-SOCIAL INTERNET

(a hellscape of idiots SCAMMERS and pedophiles)

AND 

POST-SOCIAL INTERNET

(a hellscape of idiots SCAMMERS and pedophiles)

SO

playing this

...kinda hit home...

(i miss when mfers had to make their own fun)

i'd even go as far to say

...i kinda liked it...

(i had a lot of fun and it's the same price as a movie)

unsurprisingly

my autistic ass

relates to

Stacy

(seeing my ears must freak people out)

like

A LOT

(it be 1:1 if i hadn't been corrupted by the internet)

this bitch

can literally

TRE FLIP

WET AS FUCK

and was worried about

A FUCKING MIXTAPE

(we’re really the same type of delusional)

BUT

unlike

STACY

and 

THE GANG

(legendary losers)

my 

"COMING OF AGE STORY"

(your reward for surviving puberty)

came in the form of:

a pair of

Astro A50s

a toxic relationship

and 

a porn addiction

(peak human existence post-social internet)

is it a 10 for me?!?

(...no…it's like an 8…8.5…)

BUT

I DID

HAVE FUN

(more than i thought)

it's something

I'VE NEVER EXPERINCED BEFORE

(it's more game than movie but less game than game)

AND 

I NEEDED A CONTROLLER TO EXPERIENCE IT

(i don't understand how things got this stupid)

SOME THINGS

do not need

THAT MUCH

fucking

“CRITICAL ANALYSIS”

(mfers have made videos 1/6th the runtime of the game)

either you get 

“the vibe”

(are normal)

or

you don't

(should enroll in therapy ASAP)

not everthing is for everyone

and

everything that isn't for you

doesn't

default to:

"WoKe MiLLeNNiaL sJw LgBT sOyBOy AsTRoTUrF NOsTalGia sLop"

(please touch grass)

this isn't going to affect

“industry trends”

(it’s literally barely a game)

BUT

if it wins

GAME OF THE YEAR

(it won't)

truly

WHO GIVES A SHIT

(place a bet on Kalshi like a sane person)

BUT HEY

what would i know

i'm not a 

“GAMES JOURNALIST”

(i’m obviously severely overqualified for that job)

☢︎