WELCOME HOME!

(SEE...SHE'S CUNTY!!!)

HAPPY PRIDE!

and also

HAPPY BELATED JUNETEENTH

(my nervous system is the reason why you can play pretend)

didn't pilot the EVA all week

(i miss it)

also

rainy week x no board still

(WHOMP WHOMP)

had the most cleansing bike ride of my life this week

(2 bridges...soaking wet...Lana Del Rey on repeat)

very timely

rewatched

Ted Lasso

(this shit always makes me cry)

i literally can't wait for season 4

the women's team storyline is going to go

CRAZY

since i haven't been skating

(or dating)

and now that this is done

i have time for other

"masochistic endeavors"

so i've been playing

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

no promises i'll ever beat it

i've literally been trying to since 2019

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

SOMES O' MEDIA

THE HUNGER GAMES

i'm only doing the first one right now

mainly to spread them out

(also the first one isn't even my favorite)

i'm so glad i was a teenager during the

"y/a dystopian book turned movie"

renaissance

it produced

MANY

MANY

generational

BANGERS

(big Maze Runner stan and obvi bigger Divergent stan)

being Katniss irl is fucked up

and not fun

but completely necessary

i literally didn't even

"VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE"

i just survived

(which is even more fucked up)

even though this one isn't my favorite

there are moments that

EAT

(i will never get over the Lenny Kravitz jump scare)

THEY ALSO HAD THIS MFER J-LAW DOING

STUNTS

Suzanne Collins really ate

this is literally required reading for a generation

(how we all collectively haven't said "fuck this shit" is beyond me)

she's also the reason why all you dorks are addicted to Fortnite

propaganda is what it is

and will always be a thing as long as people have

"agendas"

(way too insecure to handle reality...so they must skew it to fit their narratives)

the biggest oversight with propaganda

is that its base has to be in reality

(or else it literally doesn't work...there is nothing to grab at)

the problem comes when you forget that

feeling more and more emboldened

to do whatever the hell you please in people's faces

(which is wildly insulting to the masses because people aren't stupid)

but the hubris of the ones in power never realizes that until it's too late

(heads up each other's asses smelling their own farts not realizing it's a shit orgy)

the campaigns don't work anymore

the narratives you so delicately laid out

hold no weight

(if not looks like blatant lies)

nobody is tuning in

and you've lost all credibility because you aren't acting in accordance with

"REALITY"

(the place everyone else lives)

i'm just good at

"hunting"

(SKATING MY LIL ASS OFF)

i'm not a corporation or some conglomerate

(or four 50 y/o balding white guys in the exact same outfit)

i'm just some bitch with a bow and arrow

a massive heart

and more grit than you can comprehend

also

it really must feel

"insane"

(unbelievably fucking embarrassing)

to have the

"creepy nobody"

who sucks and isn't deserving of basic human dignity

sell more boards

"theoretically"

than some of you ever will in reality

but you chose propaganda

so since you all were so hell bent on me

"not existing"

this is now the reality you live in:

customer:

"i want a Lorenzo board!!"

owner:

"...it doesn't exist..."

customer:

"why not ??...they're my favorite!?"

owner:

(on the brink of tears)

"because we're pieces of shit"

customer:

"damn Lorenzo was right...this is some bullshit"

(walks out)

"YoU'rE nOt ThAt ImPOrtANT?"

yeah i know

i'm literally incapable of thinking that way

but you sure think so

AND LASTLY

STOP APPROPRIATING MY IDENTITY TO SELL YOUR BULLSHIT

(or get laid)

being a clone of me doesn't work long term

eventually

people start looking at you funny

and wondering

"are they okay?"

(psychologically)

because you're

"goin' 30"

and still have no idea who you are

if you want some real advice

Robin Van Persie said it best

"if you want to make money...you should work on your first touch"

not being so painfully mediocre i cry

(OFTEN)

because i mourn your futures

somewhere unfulfilled

with a box cutter on your hip

(i would know)

ZOOLANDER

i had this movie on DVD as a kid

and may or may not have watched it all the time

so i quoted it

NON STOP

long before i knew what stimming was

even longer before i fully understood the importance of echolalia

(chicken noodle soup for your nervous system)

one of the first sounds i remember running up was

"what is this???...A CENTER FOR ANTS?!?!?"

so you can imagine how annoyed my mother must have been

now that i've been here 4 years

(casually walking around with a face card so lethal it could stop a shuriken)

the fact that i've only stood in front of the barrel of a DSLR

maybe a handful of times

might be my biggest flex yet

in abstaining from being

"really, really, really...ridiculously good looking"

professionally

for so long

i came to the conclusion that i think i'm more

Hansel

than i am

Derek

(sorry if i fucked y'alls bag up...but mama had to live her life)

but only if Hansel

(somehow by the grace of god)

gained self-awareness

and

fully understood why he was so sick

and

like

wasn't a full-blown scooter kid

even though the scooter kids been EATING recently

(...i see it...good job...keep it up...)

my

"career"

isn't like Derek's

(currently)

but i'm big Zoolander when it comes to

"giving a look"

BLUE STEEL

(A WET ASS IMPOSSIBLE)

IS GONNA EAT

EVERY

SINGLE

TIME

BUT JUST WAIT FOR MAGNUM

IT'S GONNA KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF

(you really thought id tell you...see not Derek..not a simpleton)

now i know what everyone is thinking

you got all this

"why don't you just grift your good looks like everyone else?"

well there is a multitude of reasons but i'll start with the big one

...i don't think i'm that pretty...

(EXTERNALLY)

all throughout my youth

people made sure to never tell me i was pretty

if not

actively calling me ugly

(except for old ladies...they always gassed me)

for example

in high school

i got pic stitched with a crackhead

"post coitus"

(bug eyed with cum bubbles)

to a picture of me acting

"silly goofy"

in last period

(bug eyed no cum bubbles)

AND THE RESEMBLANCE WAS UNCANNY

so obviously

getting ogled at all day

is very new territory for me

so because of shit like that

i've only recently reclaimed my identity

(which sounds insane but it's the truth)

so seeing my face blown up on the side of a building

LITERALLY

might fracture my brain

but just know that the

"Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good"

(autism community center)

is on my bucket list

i'm also not vain enough

(if you can believe that )

ooh yeah

and i tried it before

...didn't go so well...

(IMO) ☢︎

full story in "the big one"