HAPPY PRIDE!

didn't pilot the EVA all week

(all together now..."Lorenzo was right....")

also been trying to

"survive New York's hell heat"

so

"skating"

(babysitting)

was kind of the last thing on my mind

(even if i do miss it a ton)

this heat wave is

FUCKED UP

it's so hot out that my apartment feels like it has a fever

(everything is sweating and we can't figure out why)

so by proxy

i'm living in a fever dream

(a bead of sweat dripped off the tip of my peepee like it was the 90th minute)

so

been inside

"surviving"

(trying not to fucking melt like Elphaba)

so obvi

TONS O' MEDIA

also

good job Zohran

(we don't celebrate until the job is done)

WORLD SPORTS

"no free clout"

BUT

i'm non-binary

and about to turn 30

(establishment dems count your days)

so by the nature of the laws in place

"i don't exist"

and am

"mentally unfit"

to serve my country

unwillingly

(thank god)

going to war is the last thing the world needs

if anything we all need a

FUCKING BREAK

FROM THIS CONSTANT

WARMONGERING

FASCIST

BULLSHIT

these

"DUMB FUCKS"

are proving what i said months ago to be more true than i realized

no amount of money on the fucking planet can give you a bigger dick

(or heal your father wound)

stop making the world pay for your stupidity in blood

while you piss yourself and tweet senile garbage all day

the middle east and its people

don't exist as a playground for you to weaponize your insecurities

(literally)

remember

at a world scale

"kindness"

(not blowing people to smithereens)

is earned through mutual respect

through your actions

(treating reality like reality television)

the world doesn't respect you

(i'd even go as far to say as they hate you and think you're scum in a cheap suit)

so to expect anything but

"the opposite of kindness"

(nuclear fallout)

would be prime

"FUCKING IDIOT"

behavior

you did this to yourself

you wanted to grift the government

you wanted to talk shit

you couldn't handle being born into

EXTREME WEALTH

you stuffed the ballot box

the only limitations in your life

are that you were born a

"FUCKING IDIOT"

with an acorn dick

(you could have been born a child in Gaza...count your blessings)

since your insecurity has now become the world's problem

have fun with WW3

(in accordance to the law, i will not be participating)

the world literally hates your guts

you're asking people with lives, families, and aspirations

to cheerlead and put their life on the line

for you

get fucking real

("impeached")

you and your cabinet of

"DUMB FUCKS"

"don't know what the fuck they're doing"

also

if an egomaniacal

megalomaniac

who has the nuclear codes

(when he can remember them)

had free reign of the world's largest and deadliest military on the planet

and was

OBSESSED

with my people and the oil our land provides

i'd want to beef up my nuclear program too

(that's survival)

(i did this after i wrote this)

REMATCH

as someone who can do literally

EVERY MOVE IN THE GAME...IRL

(i was literally a child prodigy...run my sand soccer footage)

this shit is fucking hard

and i suck dick at it

(and i'm using teeth)

i'm so bad at it that

people who are good at Rocket League

love MoistCr1TiKaL

and can't rabona a ball upper 90 from 18 yards out

(let alone fucking dribble)

are asking me if i'm a

"FUCKING IDIOT"

they're yelling at me to make illogical runs

putting my entire existence into question

(some matches are like if League of Legends had voice chat)

but regardless of the abuse i've been facing

(literally getting bullied by mfers who get picked last)

this game is fucking fun

(AS SHIT)

and completely worth the money

i've been addicted since i bought it

so i've been getting better

(i may or may not have rainbowed someone and missed an open goal)

but the learning curve is steep

(some mfer juggled half my team and biked it...and i have yet to recover)

so if you can handle getting talked to

like it's a literal Champions League final

(by people who can't run a mile)

and are even more okay with not being good for a while

i highly suggest giving it a try

also

this game lets you be a disabled ambidextrous t-girl

WITH THE DOGS OUT

so truly what's not to love

also also

the X button works

give it a try

(game winner from yesterday morning)
(literally what the fuck even is this view)

OWNING MANHATTAN

i'm beginning to realize that there are some

"professions"

i can't participate in anymore

(maybe ever)

unfortunately

i won't be another victim of the

"sk8 to real estate"

pipeline

which is disheartening because at my core

i'm a

POWER LUNCH @ SWEET GREEN 11:00 - 11:45

POINTLESS ZOOM MEETING 1:30 - 2:00

TALK SHIT WITH MY COWORKERS 2:00 - 2:15

SHOWING IN SOHO 2:30 - 3:00

PILATES 3:15 - 5:00

CUM ON FEET 5:00 - NIGHT NIGHT

ass bitch

(god i love structure and routine)

"you got a lot of weird aspirations"

yeah duh

(i'm weird)

but also not really

the main reason is

i'm uncharacteristically good at

"schmoozing"

(you're literally just a used car salesperson for billionaires)

"schmoozing"

is one of many

"afflictions"

i've been burdened with

i'm not this quiet because i'm a

"serial killer"

i'm this quiet because i'm a

"serial yapper"

(YOU fucked y'alls heads up)

i would literally be on nut ass sidequests

ALL DAY

EVERYDAY

if i didn't force myself to shut the fuck up

(it's the only way i was able to get anything done for myself)

so when i hear shit like

"10% commission on a 3 million dollar condo"

my ears perk up

and the little capitalist demon inside my head starts yelling

"SELL YOUR SOUL, THINK OF ALL THE TRINKETS"

so this show is lowkey a head crack for me

(has me debating wearing a dorky suit and pity laughing as my soul withers)

as

"the tweaker"

(certified)

i have my head down a lot

so i'm usually not paying attention to much

just trying to get from A to B

(in one piece)

so it always slips my mind that i'm on

"prime real estate"

(as ditzy as that sounds)

i literally walk past these people

going from place to place

MAKING MILLIONS

to go home and jerk off

(s/o trauma...s/o autism)

i'm one of the only people in the city who

GENUINELY

cares more about

the grade of concrete on the sidewalk

than i do literally everything else that's going on

so to see people doing

"literally everything else that's going on"

(making more money schmoozing than i do almost dying all day)

feels like a violent uppercut

of all the things i try not to think about

(how undercompensated i am)

yes, i'm in the market for a new apartment

(unfortunately)

i need her to be

CUNTY

have in-unit laundry

and spacious with tons of room for

"activities"

(the violent release of years of sexual repression and smash tournaments)

oh and cats

can i afford that right now

(absolutely not)

is my life at the stage where all those things are non-negotiable

(absofuckingloutley)

so please

(for the love of all things kosher)

do not skull fuck me for some bullshit this time

it's extremely rude to treat a lady like that without asking first

also

Johnathan was horrible at his job and it gives me hope

A MINECRAFT MOVIE

after watching this

i understand why

Jack Black and Jason Momoa

were hugged up in the press tour

looking like the bizarro world version of

Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo

(mutually honry for the residual check to end all residual checks)

since i'm

"THE"

minecraft baby

(certified)

i have

MANY

"opinions"

also

SPOILERS

(SORRY)

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