piloted the EVA monday

(i haven't bought a new board since March 3rd...smh)

started rewatching

skins

in honor of

Nick Hoult

getting the

"generational residual"

i was listening to

"Wild World"

and i realized that even though i'm

"your favorite wankers favorite wanker"

i'm

Cassie

(through and through)

everyone thinks i'm crazy

but i just want things to be lovely

(i also experience disordered eating)

ELDEN RING UPDATE

(cuntiest tarnished in The Lands Between)

i fear i'm

SLAYING

(HARD)

yes i have 30+ vigor

yes i'm using magic

(i'm an Elden Lord irl idc)

Magma Wyrm

(VANQUISHED)

Magma Wyrm Makar

(VANQUISHED)

GODRICK

(VANQUISHED FIRST "REAL" TRY...I RECORDED IT)

i am getting to the point

where i'm going

"I HAVE 30 VIG...HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT?"

more often

(we will prevail though)

saw

Fantastic Four

yesterday

PERSONALLY

i loved it

my dick gets hard for

powerful women

fertile wombs

and

mid-century furniture

so obvi

i dug it

"a glimpse into the future"

type shit

(PREPARE THY WOMB)

SOUTH PARK

IS BACK

IN

FULL FORM

(i don't need it but thanks for permission)

been trying to

"power down"

(slow enough to get my peepee licked but fast enough to feel)

so

ONES O' MEDIA

also

REST IN PEACE

OZZY OSBOURNE

PRINCE OF DARKNESS

AND LEGEND OF THE WORLD

THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU

(i'll keep scaring these spineless fucks while you’re gone)

(shameful)

WORLD SPORTS

(i wrote this wednesday morning)

watching the

"manosphere"

crumble is delightful

you can't sit on a podcast

with your legs crossed

(a pastime reserved for faggots and intellectuals)

and go

"i feel like i've been bamboozled"

for voting for the

"Annoying Orange"

i mean this in the most loving way possible

BUT

NO SHIT

YOU

"DUMB FUCK"

you let a

CONVICTED FELON

WHO'S

"BFF"

OWNED THE FUCKING PEDO ISLAND

con you into voting for him

just so you can

MAYBE

see if aliens exist

(i promise they don't give a fuck about us...we're dustmites)

the

"groupthink"

(levels of dick riding only seen in hardcore porn)

associated with that bull shit is beyond me

(a mfer gets mic and money and everyone starts suckling)

it's

EXTREMELY OBVIOUS

why a lot of you got into comedy

critical thinking isn't your strong suit

(you're too pussy to work construction)

you think the mfer

who ran on the platform of

"draining the swamp"

(getting rid of the money and the pedophiles)

while simultaneously being the fucking swamp

(using his weekend house to diddle middle schoolers)

had your best interests at heart????

being a straight white male in 2025 has to suck dick

nobody trusts you

you look fucking stupid

your hair is falling out

women won't fuck you anymore

all because you wanted to be a

"FUCKING IDIOT"

you all put us in this

"FUCKY"

ass position

(statistically)

unfortunately

for everyone else

none of you have the

brains

or the

balls

to fix it

(irony at it's peak)

also

LEAVE

BARRY

ALONE

you senile fuck

it’s been almost a decade

the

"House of Cards"

(emphasis on Kevin Spacey)

is falling because you can’t keep your dick in your pants

(it’s almost like this mfer can’t take accountability)

it’s obvious

with every guilt-fueled ramble

that you're deflecting from the fact that

you’re not only on the list

YOU ARE THE LIST

(you’re literally a walking Freudian slip)

Tulsi Gabbard

couldn’t even say that bullshit without looking

“guilty”

(spiraling because you sided with a pedophile...WILLINGLY)

there isn't enough Revlon in the world to save you

you’ll have a full head of grey by

November

if you keep aiding evil ☢︎