man time (summer 25)
THE PREM IS BACK!
(AND SO AM I ;p)
THIS IS WTF I'M TALKING ABOUT BOYS
BIG MOVES
LOTS O’ DRAMA
(NO SNOOZE FEST DETECTED)
LOTS O’ MONEY
BEING TOSSED AROUND
...where they got it...
WE DON'T KNOW
do we care?
FUCK NO
WE GOT
TABLE SHAKING
DICK HARDENING
SHIT
TO TALK ABOUT
so let's get into it
(she's girthy…you’re welcome)
ALSO
SHIT I’M NOT TOUCHING
(FULLY)
Isak
(you’re scaring me pookie)
Rashford
(learn spanish…quick)
Ballon d’Or
(draw straws)
Predictions
(it’s anyones to take but anyone but Man City)
Transfer News
i was sick of seeing literally
THOUSANDS
of
TikToks
to the
“ishowspeed sound”
(literally months of “aaaaayeeee”)
“inaccurately”
reporting
“the news”
(someone liked something on Instagram)
on a daily basis
so finally
(confirmed by Fotmob…not sponsored)
THE NEWS

VIKTOR GYÖKERES TO ARSENAL
“You like Arsenal, don’t you, Squidward?”
…kinda…
it’s complicated
i love seeing good football
The Prem
elicits some of the most exciting football
on the planet
(even if the refs are shit)
so i’m all for
“making and taking”
(making my Ultimate Team wet dreams a reality)
so
to see
Mikel
(an Everton legend)
MAKE AND TAKE
THE BIG ONE
i can’t not be excited
i’m not going to
"dick suck"
him
how we did
Erling
(we see how that went)
BUT
i will say
anything
UNDER
20 goals
seems
“unrealistic”
(my heart is telling me 30)
thank you
Mikel
(you could come in 7th and i still wouldn’t sack you)
you’re doing
DEMONIC SHIT
and i love it
(if you get Eze too you’re a psycho)

JACK GREALISH TO EVERTON
“You’re an Evertonian and you never talk toffee news!?!”
well
there usually isn’t anything to talk about
“we suck”
(are severely underfunded)
TO ME
Everton
is a club where you
“go to be a star”
(get minutes and dip)
or
“go to play with your kid”
(retire with dignity)
OR
(my personal favorite)
you stay for life
so
the transfers are usually
ex legends
or
no name freaks
(may the lord smile on you, Illiman)
but you only know that
IF YOU WATCH THE GAME
plus
we don’t
“suck”
we just never have
(or haven’t for a while)
had the composure
of a seasoned player
(one not in their late 30s)
directing play
we also
can’t finish
(FOR SHIT)
until recently
we were dealing with the plague that was
Dominic Calvert-Lewin

1 goal in 21 games
AS THE STARTING STRIKER
is truly maddening shit
so
to now have a
new stadium
(she’s cunty…Gotham…take notes)
and the potential of more
“higher quality”
prospects
(can make a 30 yard pass and not shit themselves)
we might be okay
Grealish at Villa
(and Man City...)
was
PEAK BALLER
(bruh took a punch and then scored…DOG BEHAVIOR )
so
he has the potential to do
“the impossible”
(finish in the top 10)
so
i think this seasons
MIGHT BE
different than
“the usual”
(making insane faces,yelling and contorting my body into unseen shapes)
also
to the
“pundits”
(95% are dilettantes…4% are legends…1% are comedic relief)
that don’t have
“hope”
(sick to their stomach he’s got everything they dream of)
i ask but one thing of you
“run your footage”

POGBA IS BACK
mfers love to throw dirt on a
LEGEND'S NAME
POGBA
is one of the greatest footballers
to ever grace the pitch
(EVER)
“YOU'RE GLAZING”
i’m not
(i’m lowkey trying to NOT use both hands)
watch a 15-minute
highlight video
and if you
DON’T
feel the
“divine dick riding urge”
(being rightfully moved by peak)
to comment
“shades of zizou”
you might not have a brain
(or a soul)
as someone who’s about to turn 30
(who recently just learned the benefits of taking a real fucking break)
and is lowkey in their prime
i think he’s going to come back
EVEN SCARIER
football is more about your
brain
than your
brawn
(even if that’s a big factor)
the brain works best when it’s
free
and that mfer is
free as a bird
watch out

CLUB WORLD CUP
there was literally
no way in hell
you were going to get me to watch the
group stage
these mfers had
walkouts and smoke
like it was
Randy Orton
and not
Lionel Messi
(says a lot about the faith in the American audience)
i don’t need to see my favs
exhausted
running around in the heat
just for extra transfer money
(these are people too)
BUT
from the games i did watch
i know now that
Champions League
is going to be more
“chaotic”
than last year
(biweekly insanity)
umm still so so on the tournament existing
(that’s so much football on the player)
but it’s a good litmus test for the season
(as a whole)
and it was entertaining
so
net neutral
(good job?)
also
we gotta put more respect on this nigga
Cole Palmer’s
(Colie Polie Ollie)
name
what happened to him
happened to me
so i completely understand
his
“arc”
(eating mfers for breakfast after watching for years)
“he’s shit…fuck him”
*moves 5 hours away
“everyone loves them and we’re seriously considering giving them the Ballon d'Or”
(maybe even a shoe)
but
that’s what happens when you
meat ride
“a system”
(something built to filter out unpredictability)
and not
“reality”
(understanding the magic comes from the individual)
but
that’s a problem for people who
“don’t suck toes”
(scared someone will call you a freak for following your heart)
good luck
to
everyone
(even Man City)
and
LET THE GAMES
BEGIN
(for the love of god, don't let the mfers in the Sierra Mist kit win) ☢︎