woso thots (spank ass edition)
YOU ALREADY KNOW
IT'S
"THAT TIME OF THE YEAR"
(it crept up on me)
SO
WITHOUT
FURTHER ADO
WOSO THOTS
(spank ass edition)
MAN CITY WIN WSL
unlike the
MEN'S TEAM
when the
WOMEN'S TEAM WINS
for some reason
IT DOESN'T REALLY BOTHER ME
(i'm a big fan of most of your players)
SO
them winning
is kinda
...neutral for me...
(i'm here for S-tier ball and progession of sport)
if not
...kind of rad...
(seeing Yui happy makes me happy)
also
Chelsea
(...y'all let them get TWO...GIRLS WHAT THE FUCK...)
had like a
10 year run
(shout out Emma Hayes)
enjoy it
while it lasts
(next year won't be so easy)
ALSO
PSA
TO
MY FAVORITE PACK OF DEMONS:
LOSING GAMES
(YOU'RE COMFORTABLY WINNING)
IN THE
LAST 10 MINS
IS WHAT
MID TABLE TEAMS DO
(mfers be too excited to defend)
NOT THE
8 X REIGNING CHAMPIONS
(DO BETTER...YOU DESERVE IT)
WSL XI + 7 BENCH
BENCH
Jess Park
Chloe Kelly
Alessia Russo
Erin Cuthbert
Lauren James
Courtney Brosnon
Lotte Wubben-Moy
i
1000%
trust y'all to
"handle business"
(SPANK FUCKING ASS)
SO
y'all can literally do
ANYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES
(you could juggle it on the half and i wouldn't bat an eye)
FAV GOAL OF THE SEASON
ALYSSA THOMPSON
vs
ARSENAL
something iâve been saying
âto myselfâ
(and whoever is in earshot of my yelling)
was we need to
LOCK HER IN A ROOM
and
LOOP 24 HOURS
of
THIERRY HENRY HIGHLIGHTS
(it would amaze you what pace and a brain can do)
NO PHONE
NO FLUORESCENT LIGHTS
NO INTERRUPTIONS
(you can pick one UKAD-approved vice)
JUST
A DARK ROOM
A TV CART
AND
24 HOURS
OF
DEMON TIME
(how you win a Ballon d'Or)
after that
SHE'D BE UNSTOPPABLE
(more than she already is)
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE
s/o to
MY FAVORITE
ROUND TABLE
of
BRAINY BADDIES
(Wineâd Down Wednesday is PEAK)
they do
their jobs
"EXTREMELY WELL"
(mfers actually love this shit)
SO
most of my bases
ARE COVERED
(most my babies got knocked out and i still loved it)
BUT
I DO HAVE
SOMETHING TO SAY:
THE
OFFICIATING
HAS TO BE
BETTER
(some of these calls are truly unacceptable)
y'all had
SONIA BOMPASTOR
(a living legend)
PUTTING HER PHONE UP TO THE SCREEN
and
PLEADING
like she got
FUCKING CHEATED ON
(we all saw it sweetie...you didn't deserve that)
BARCELONA WIN
OKAY SO
this final was
WAYYY LESS TENSE
than
LAST YEAR
(for the first time in months i wasn't pacing at my laptop)
SO AGAIN
i don't have
MUCH TO SAY
(Barça...Barça'd...hard as fuck)
there was
a breakaway
at like
the 60th minute
(before they even scored a second goal)
where they
CASUALLY
split
LYONNES
in
HALF
(what philosophy does to money)
I WINCED
and
SAID:
"...yeah that's game..."
(they went on to score 3 more FUCKING BANGERS)
S/O
BARCELONA
FOR
WINNING LITERALLY EVERYTHING
(what happens when philosophy has money)
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE XI + 7 BENCH
BENCH
Ona Batlle
Alessia Russo
Sjoeke NĂźsken
Alyssa Thompson
Melchie Dumornay
Lotte Wubben-Moy
Daphne van Domselaar
BALLON D'OR
my pick
this year is
Emily Fox
(Foxy Mama)
âbuT sHe'S A deFeNdeRâ
(âŚyâall literally gave it to RodriâŚ)
since y'all need
"a novels worth of context"
(i'm convinced y'all don't actually watch the games)
here:
she plays
EVERY MINUTE
(to the point i say âmama needs a breakâ watching her)
she
WINS EVERYTHING
(she quietly has one the most robust trophy cabinets in futbol)
AND
IF YOU ACTUALLY WATCH THE GAMES
she's the reason they
USUALLY
DON'T GET SCORED ON
(her work rate rivals Lucy's)
she's also
A DEFENDER
who
CROSSES THE BALL
BETTER THAN MOST WINGERS
if she doesn't
"meet the criteria"
(mfers just looking at goal count on a spreadsheet)
NOBODY DOES
â˘ď¸
