GIRLIES

WE NEED TO TALK 

(y'all moving like the dudes…scary shit)

SO

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

WOSO THOTS

(CHAOS LEAGUE KICKOFF)

NWSL IS BACK

after how

FUCKING CHAOTIC

last year was

(literally one of the best season in NWSL history)

you'd think it be

IMPOSSIBLE

to top

LITERAL SPORTS MAGIC

(i'm still "absolutely buzzin" off my babies kicking ass)

BUT

AGAIN

Y'ALL ARE MOVING LIKE THE DUDES

(MONEY IS TALKING AND MFERS ARE WALKING)

SO WE GOTTA GET INTO IT

TRINITY STAYING

if

TRINITY IS HAPPY

(literally the only thing that matters)

I'M HAPPY

(whatever brings us closer to getting that Gatorade flavor)

BUT

eventually 

you gotta go

“across the pond”

(destabilize one league to dismantle another)

see you in

the finals

pookie

(AGAIN)

...IS WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IF...

CORIX TO KC

GIRL

WHAT THE FUCK

(i'm not mad at you in the slightest...i'm just in shock)

IN MY HEAD

i was like:

"oh Trin and Croix got unfinished business"

(i was really looking forward to the full squad rematch)

BUT

NOW

IDK WTF IS GOING ON

(TRUE CHAOS LEAGUE ACTIVITY)

you got

BIG SHOES TO FILL

(Chawingas precense will haunt the league for years)

proud of you

for

leaving

(get your paper booboo)

BUT

i'm

TERRIFIED

for what this means for

"THE TABLE"

(an extremely chaotic 6 months)

CLAIRE TO BAY FC

watching

Kansas City

(Chawinga and company)

play last year

one of my only

"thots"

(outside of being gobsmacked at the goal count)

was

they had too many

"dynamic midfielders"

(freaks of nature)

for one team

SO

to see her go

is

good in my book

(there was no way her and Ally could split minutes)

SO

HOPEFULLY

with the addition of a

"dynamic midfielder"

(an actual freak of nature)

Kundananji

won't have to

carry so hard

(...and you won't come in second to last...)

SOPHIA WILSON IS BACK

women

are

THE SHIT

(they're literal magicians)

MFERS WILL

BRING A LIFE INTO THE WORLD

and

HOP BACK ON THE HORSE

LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED

(Crystal Dunn is the ultimate blueprint)

Soph

is one of my

FAV STRIKERS

(the way she abuses mfers is why i watch futbol)

not to

"make a prediction"

(read the writing on the wall)

BUT

i think she's finna come back

FUCKING DEMONIC

(the super athlete mom brain is scary shit)

if you ever

get sick

of

the west coast

there's always a spot at

Gotham

for you

(they’ll be fine without you)

EXPANSION TEAMS

"wHy dO yoU LiKE WoMen’s sPOrTs sO MucH?!?"

(specifically futbol)

it feels like

the NBA

in

the 80s

(i'm assuming)

new money

old beef

and

SOME OF THE BEST BALL ON THE PLANET

(mfers will sole roll it in the middle of the pitch with no shame)

it's also

"more pure"

in other words

the gambling addicts

haven't ruined it with

"the surveillance state"

(OVERLY INVASIVE VAR CHECKS)

BOSTON LEGACY

IS LITERALLY BUILT LIKE

THE CELTICS

(whole lotta yellow cards)

Ella Stevens

has the potential to be

Larry Bird 

(if she acquires more spite)

DENVER SUMMIT

has the potential to do

CRAZY DAMAGE

(AT HIGH ALTITUDES)

especially since they have

A COLORADO LEGEND

to

YELL AT MFERS

(s/o Captain Heaps)

MY BABIES

i have thots about the

Women's Champions Cup 

(it's not y'alls fault...but i am pissed off)

BUT

the past is the past

so

WE MOVE ON

(check that refs venmo transactions)

SO

the best way

to

MOVE ON

is to go

BACK TO BACK

(you have all the pieces)

ESPECIALLY

SINCE WE GOT

GURO FUCKIN' REITEN

(Y'ALL ARE COOKED)

GOOD LUCK

TO

EVEYONE

(y'all deserve the world)

EVEN THOUGH

i want

MY BABIES

to

ANNIHILATE

everyone

NOT

in a

GOTHAM FC

kit

(remember...this is still war)

"all things consisdered"

(literally what the fuck is going on)

this season is should be

"memorable"

(CHAOTIC AS SHIT)

☢︎