"WHERE IS MY FAVORTIE FUTTY NEWS??"

sorry i've been busy

(i got like 9 jobs...all unpaid)

also

the homepage CSS is

FFFUCKED

for this tag rn

(my tracks are showing and i'm embarrassed about it)

its not that hard of a fix

but it's annoying

(and fucking ugly)

so please bear with me

(you can read it in it's full beauty via the tab)

so

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

WOSO SUMMER THOTS

TRANSFER NEWS

these are just the ones that are going to

"affect my mental health"

(have me yelling at my walls)

the most

(also going kinda rapid fire)

(back home)

Arsenal scooping HEAT

they got

Taylor Hinds

one of my lowkey favs

(she be making shit happen out of nothing)

gave

Chloe Kelly

a real contract

and fucking

Olivia Smith

scary shit

Chelsea

might not go undefeated this year

(but we will have to see)

Everyone and their mother to OL Lyonnes

when i saw

Ashley Lawrence

left

Chelsea

i was like

"girl...what the fuck"

then i saw where she was going

and i was like

"ohhhh you're nuts"

then i seen

Lily Yohannes

(bby de bruyne)

going there too

then i really was like

"ohhh it's about to get scary"

Champions League

is going to be fucked up

(Chelsea's playbook and all the money in the world)

Mia Fishel to Seattle

scary intelligent move

like

dolphin

octopus

type intelligent

(playoff season is going to make me cry)

Ally Sentnor to KC

WHEN WILL I KNOW PEACE???

(2028)

EURO 2025

that was an

"emotional rollercoaster"

that i wasn’t prepared for

(thank god it's only every 4 years)

so many of my favorites

shed so many tears

but one thing

that was harder to watch than that was

THE PENALTIES

(not even CR7 was going to make that)

PK PANIC

the PK's in that tournament were

“SHAMBOLIC”

to say the least

(home girl tried to hit it from a 90-degree angle)

at one point during the

Germany

game

they zoomed in on

Ann’s

water bottle

(aka her war plans)

and my immediate thought was

"She's about to look like mfing Hope Solo"

AND SHE DID

if i ever fuck around and coach

(pls don't make me do it...you'll see a new face every week)

theres two practices that are mandatory

WEEKLY

penalty practice

yes

it'll be the entire practice

(yes...there will be pots and pans present)

celly practice

we gotta teach you bitches how to take up space

(unapologetically)

(BACK TO BACK ON LUCY'S BACK)

ENGLAND WIN

after the most stress-inducing month ever

England win

THE ENGLISH WAY

"take it to penalties"

(Hannah Hampton, you're insane)

i'm really conflicted about this game

because on the one hand

im proud of my girls for going

"BACK TO BACK"

but as a Spaniard

(by birth)

how they won has my innards doing flips

as someone who yelled with joy when

Michelle Agyemang

saved them from death

BOTH TIMES

(i literally yelled "you're a fucking hero")

when

Lucy Bronze

flew in from nowhere

to score that header

in the quarterfinals

and when

Alessia's

freakish ass

scored that acrobatic ass header

in the final

to tie it

it's obvious

(espcially to my neighbors)

i'm a huge fan of whatever

weird

wiccan

voodoo

Sarina Wiegman

is doing

BUT

to watch that game

with the

"ball knowledge"

that i possess

(i have the medals and the trauma to prove it)

i say this in full confidence

there is no way in hell they should have won

like none

STATISTICALLY

that made ZERO sense

(the ball rolled on the goal line...TWICE)

that being said

KNIGHT

LUCY BRONZE

IMMEDIATELY

she ate y'all up

ON A MFING

BROKEN TIBIA

what the actual fuck

(my fav autist)

CHLOE KELLY

IS SPECIAL

one of my favorite players currently

if i wasn't such a

Bonmati

stan

she'd be my

#1 Ballon d'Or contender

for sure

(if not Foxy)

to understand the needs of the game

is the

ENTIRE GAME

and to do it

that consistently

QUICKLY

is

PSYCHO

especially as someone who was going to say

"fuck this shit"

not even 7 months ago

(i would know)

CONGRATS

ENGLAND

you deserve it

(you sure as hell worked for it)

seeing all my WSL favs

DO THE BIG ONE

was worth:

anxiously pacing around for 2 hours

screaming at my TV

(for both sides)

having lingering and conflicting feelings for weeks

(that game made me take an advil)

always well played

Spain

that was the definition of

"unlucky"

(Esther would have put that game to bed)

again

seeing

Bonmati

sad

"es no bueno"

FAV GOAL OF THE TOURNAMENT

(i love me a good dummy)

Bonmati

Bonmating

(i've seen them..."APPROVED")

USWNT

NO NOTES

thank you

EMMA HAYES

you're raising angels

(AND DEMONS)

keep on doing

"The Lord's Work"

(WHOOPING ASS)

AMERICA

(me)

thanks you for it ☢︎